Unprofessional Parenting

I’ve been wondering lately why my son seems to be a “half-eater.” I’m not sure what the approach to this is but as an example this morning I cut up some apple slices for him and lined them up on his plate. His approach is to eat half of each slice and leave the rest.

He does the same thing with crackers. Half the cracker gets eaten and the other half is politely returned to his plate. I can’t quite figure out the logic to this. Maybe he is trying to avoid biting his hands when the items he is eating gets too small? Maybe he is suffering from a low self-image and is trying some new diet I’ve never heard of? Perhaps it is all just an elaborate plot to make me lose my mind by doing nonsensical things in a really obsessive-compulsive way?

Yeah - that last one is the most likely scenario given how well I know my son. It might be time for me to do some psychological experimentation. I wonder if he can eat half a Cheerio - or even half a Rice Krispy?

I’ll preface by saying that (so far) I’m pretty lucky to have a son who is a good eater. He’s only two and will likely develop eating preferences later but for the time being he’ll eat just about anything.  From time to time, however, if he’s in a mood he’ll try to get picky.

That’s when I bring out the magic - yes, ketchup. What is it about this magical condiment that makes my son eat everything on his plate? If I put a little sauce in the corner in goes the chicken, then in goes the biscuit, then (to my horror) in go the peas and carrots. That doesn’t even look good.

Luckily, we don’t keep ranch dressing in our house so I don’t have to worry too much about how this will evolve over time. My husband thinks it’s gross and complains about having to watch it while he coats everything on his plate with the obligatory blanket of A1 sauce.

I know this happens to everyone but I’m tired and cranky so I’m posting it anyway.

Ponder this: Why is it that in a 2000 square foot house the best place for a fly to land is on my face when I’m trying to nap? As far as I can tell there are about three flies in my house right now.  It is exactly 2015 square feet (according to the escrow papers). For those of you who like math that is 671.666666666666666666 square feet PER FLY! Apparently, that’s just not enough for them.

I tried to take a nap at one end of the house - a fly buzzed around my head. I moved to the other end - a fly buzzed around my head. AAAARRRRRGGGGG!  (Yes, I’m so frustrated I’ve degraded to Pirate English).

Little do they know I take solace in a secret weapon that will ensure their destruction. With Halloween coming soon I have decided to decorate by not cleaning any spider webs out of the house. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Take that! I look forward to your frantic yet futile window buzzing of death my little enemies.

Here’s something to think about. Every time I put my two year old in the bathtub he becomes obsessed with the water coming out of the faucet. He sticks his face up to it, drinks from it, and holds almost-empty shampoo bottles under the running water (that makes a great sound if you’ve never tried it).

That’s all pretty normal (I guess) but what I always think is weird it that he tries to stick his tiny fingers into the faucet. He tries when the water is running and then when the water is off he tries again. I guess he’s looking for the water but what’s even stranger is that this totally grosses me out.

I suppose it’s the thought of slimy who-knows-what kind of stuff growing in that thing but when you think about it that doesn’t really make sense. I take baths in that tub and I shower in the shower so why am I grossed out by the thought of whatever is in that faucet that I can’t see?

I’ve tried to get over it but I can’t. I still tell him no every time. It’s a gut response -  or maybe an obsessive compulsive behavior driven by irrational anxiety. I’m not sure which.

I’ve determined that since Tuesday is my busiest day of the week I need to come up with a quick post that I can get down that won’t probably involve any research but will provide a fascinating reflection of some of the intellectual exercises that I work through just about every day. Either that or you might think I’m crazy but I’ll bet that at least once you’ll agree that these are odd but entertaining things to think about.

For the inaugural post of my ponder this Tuesday I thought I’d present one that I’ve been thinking about for a while.  I live in a rural area and on my drive to “town” I see a variety of interesting things on the side of the road. One is a giant, 3 dimensional, wooden snowman. This thing has got to be at least 8 feet tall and weigh a ton. I’m pretty sure it’s a product of the local chain saw artist but since it’s carved from wood he graces someone’s driveway 365 days a year.

Ignoring for a moment the American flag that he holds high (snowman patriotism is a post for another Tuesday) he is also decked out in a wooden earmuffs, gloves, and a scarf (all carved from the same tree). That’s not abnormal for a snowman but it did get me thinking.

Here’s your ponder this: Why do snowmen wear earmuffs, mittens, and scarves? For one thing, I’m pretty sure they don’t have ears. For another thing, if they did, why would they want to keep them warm?  Isn’t keeping your head, hands, and neck warm a bit counter productive for a snowman?

Just a thought.