Jan 27 2009
Helpful Help for Those With Infants
As promised here is the follow up to my previous post about the least helpful help I received when my first son was born. So that I don’t get mired in my own negativity I have put together a list of things that actually are helpful to those who are coming home with infants.
- Feel free to bring some food and drop it off for us. Meals are appreciated - we might not be able to eat it while you are here but having something in the refrigerator/freezer can be a big help on those tired nights.
- Spend a little time with my older son. The only caveat to this is please don’t leave toys all over my living room. We do have some adult visitors who love to play with my 2-year-old but who tend to scatter toys and leave them. It’s fun for my son but not so much for me to clean up after they leave.
- Dishes. This one is a bit of slave labor but when my son was born my mom used to sneak around the house and kitchen sweeping dirty dishes into the dishwasher and getting it going for me. I usually didn’t notice she was doing it until she was already gone but it is about the most helpful thing I can remember from those early days. FYI: Laundry doesn’t work this way for us. We had an offer to do our laundry once but we’re not the types who are comfortable with others digging through our hampers and laundry bins.
- Diapers. If you want to bring by a present then diapers are most appreciated. I know the baby clothes are so irresistible so pick up an outfit if you must but know the most practical gift in those early days is the utilitarian type.
- Short visits. Unless we have some prior arrangement please don’t plan on staying for hours. The best visits we had were relatively short and sweet. We do appreciate the well wishes but we are easily tired so those who would stay for “an afternoon” were usually subject to my exhausted crankiness at some point during the visit.
- Visit in smaller groups. We had one huge group who came to visit my son and it was exhausting. Despite their assurances that I didn’t need to entertain them, I found myself being asked to retrieve snacks and drinks for everyone during the visit. Please don’t use the visit as a family/friend reunion to catch up on old times - keeping the groups small is much easier on mom, dad and baby.
- Call before you come and see if I need anything from the store. This is always helpful if I happen to need a gallon of milk or a box of cereal but don’t want to send anyone to get it. If you’re on your way I don’t feel so bad about asking for a tiny delivery.
In general, the best help I received was silent and low key. Without exception those who swept in with loud declarations about their intentions to “help with everything” were the most likely to actually create more work for me. Being aware of your own presence is the most helpful thing a visitor can do under any circumstances. Clean up after yourself and enjoy my kids and we should all get along just fine.
