Unprofessional Parenting

I was cleaning out the drawers in my son’s changing station this morning and I realized that I have no fewer than four tubes of various diaper rash cream and three unopened bottles of baby lotion. My son is two years old.

I received an obscene amount of lotions, shampoos, and cremes for baby shower gifts. I appreciate them all, of course, but if you happen to be shopping for a baby shower gift anytime soon you might want to stay away from these. I am still working through my last baby shampoo bar (I would have another bottle of shampoo but my son found it recently and decided to “wash” his stuffed bear with the entire bottle - on our carpet).

In a moment of painful honesty I must admit that before I had my own baby I purchased a friend a whole basket of shampoos, soaps, and lotions for her baby shower. I have since apologized - I had no idea! I realized quickly after my own baby shower that this was a common problem. Not only because I received tons of this myself but because two people gave me what I suspect were re-gifted shampoos from their own recent baby showers (one I’m sure about because she forgot to change the tag that was attached to the package - it wasn’t to our son but was to someone who suspiciously had the same name as her daughter).

Just a small community service announcement. If this helps one potential shower-gift-buyer then my duty here is done.

A recently released study suggests that pregnant women who get the flu shot pass on that immunity to their newborns. Although the FDA has been recommending flu shots for women since 1997 this is the first official study that has found that newborns can be protected from the flu up to six months after birth if the mother received a flu shot during pregnancy.  The entire article can be found here.

The finding are important because flu shots are not currently approved for infants under six months of age but newborns are at high risk for hospitalization from flu complications. In the study, women were given the shots during the third trimester (researchers believe it takes up to a month for the immunity to build up in the fetus). Currently most doctors recommend flu shots to pregnant women anytime if the pregnancy occurs during the flu season. I got pregnant with my son in January so by the time I got to my first doctor’s appointment flu season was just about over. Other than that specific timing, however, flu season is tough to miss for pregnant women.

Need another reason to get a flu shot when you’re pregnant? I friend of mine recently delivered a baby 5 weeks early because she got the flu and dehydration started her labor. If the thought of having a baby 5 weeks early isn’t scary enough consider that she was in labor as she was still recovering from the flu! Yuck! From vomit straight to contractions - now that’s not a pretty sight.

Here’s an interesting quick video from the today show covering the top five myths about what makes a “good” mom.  I had mixed reactions to this - perhaps because I buy into a couple of these (the how much time I spend with my kid issue is the best example). I’m interested to see other reactions.

Nothing says pregnant lady heaven like a new mattress! We’ve had our eyes on a Tempurpedic for years and when I was pregnant with our son we decided to give in and purchase one (two years ago). Of course, we never got around to it and now here I am 12 pounds heavier and with those off-balance pregnancy wobbles again (for those who don’t know what this is -  I actually lost my balance stepping off the scale at the doctor’s office last week - it was a whole 2 inches off the ground which was apparently too much for me to handle)  and until last night we were still sleeping on that same old mattress, that same old 12 year old mattress to be exact.

We didn’t go with the fancy brand name because of the cost - I did some Internet searching and found a nice generic copy for a fraction of the cost and it was shipped and arrived in four days! Last night I slept as comfortably as possible (only got up once to go to the bathroom!) and I loved it.

My back was a little sore this morning which I take to mean that the old mattress had the firmness of wet paper mache so I have a few days of adjustment ahead. I am willing to make this sacrifice for the sake of my long term comfyness (yes, I made that word up)  because I am committed, above all, to my own comfort in all aspects of my life.

Wish me luck as I strike out on this perilous but ultimately rewarding quest for nighttime comfort.

In my weekly perusal of Internet parenting forums I was struck recently by what I perceived to be “Perfect Parent Posts” on a message board about toddler behavior.  These women (I didn’t see any dads on this particular board) had brilliant ideas for managing insane toddler tantrums and refusals. They almost all said these techniques work every time.

Whoa? Really? Here’s my experience: I ask my son to do something (anything) and he says “no.” At that point I try one of the techniques I read about.

I say, “Let’s play a game. We’ll see how many cars we can put in this box in a minute.”

Toddler response: “No.”

Me: “Okay, let’s sing the Putting Cars Away song.” Yes, this sounds dumb to me too but I read in a newsletter that it works every time. 

Toddler: “No.”

Me: “You said you wanted to color. Either we can put the cars away now or you can’t color tonight.” I read that giving them a choice helps them feel decisive and more likely to agree. My son doesn’t have a problem being decisive but I thought I’d try anyway.

Toddler: “No thank you.”

What the heck does this mean? No thank you to putting away the cars or to the coloring - or both? At least he’s polite but I’m astounded by those who post brilliant parenting advice on forums while I struggle along.

My brilliant parenting advice for the day: Nothing work every time! If someone says it does, s/he is lying or doesn’t really have a kid.

I’ve determined that since Tuesday is my busiest day of the week I need to come up with a quick post that I can get down that won’t probably involve any research but will provide a fascinating reflection of some of the intellectual exercises that I work through just about every day. Either that or you might think I’m crazy but I’ll bet that at least once you’ll agree that these are odd but entertaining things to think about.

For the inaugural post of my ponder this Tuesday I thought I’d present one that I’ve been thinking about for a while.  I live in a rural area and on my drive to “town” I see a variety of interesting things on the side of the road. One is a giant, 3 dimensional, wooden snowman. This thing has got to be at least 8 feet tall and weigh a ton. I’m pretty sure it’s a product of the local chain saw artist but since it’s carved from wood he graces someone’s driveway 365 days a year.

Ignoring for a moment the American flag that he holds high (snowman patriotism is a post for another Tuesday) he is also decked out in a wooden earmuffs, gloves, and a scarf (all carved from the same tree). That’s not abnormal for a snowman but it did get me thinking.

Here’s your ponder this: Why do snowmen wear earmuffs, mittens, and scarves? For one thing, I’m pretty sure they don’t have ears. For another thing, if they did, why would they want to keep them warm?  Isn’t keeping your head, hands, and neck warm a bit counter productive for a snowman?

Just a thought.

A recent study concluded that a majority of women felt unprepared for the physical and emotional challenges they faced after the birth of their first baby.

According to the Australian study, 35 percent of women felt unprepared for the  physical post-baby challenge and 20 percent did not feel emotionally prepared.  A majority of women stated they wished they had more information on concepts like breastfeeding, infant sleep patterns, and how to cope with their own sleep loss.  Women complained that child birth classes focused only on labor and delivery and not at all on newborn care.  The study suggested that childbirth classes be reoriented to include more information on post delivery expectations.

Did someone pay for this study? Really? I had a newborn care class that went with my childbirth classes that addressed some of these issues but to some degree isn’t it impossible to tell someone about the amount of sleep deprivation that will occur once the baby is born? Issues like breastfeeding should, of course, be covered by doctors as well as nurses in the hospital and in labor classes.   My doctor’s office also gave out free copies of What to Expect When You’re Expecting  which was extremely helpful.

I suppose if we needed a study to tell us that post-childbirth can be overwhelming then it’s a good thing someone did it. However, I could have saved them a ton of money and told them that myself.

You hack into your hands and cough up phlegm and snot

Do you consider my health or groceries?  Obviously not.

Why in your suffering do you even drag yourself work

Is infecting the public an employment perk?

Sneezing and wiping as my food passes by

I coyly ask “are you sick?” and try to give an evil eye.

My subtly obviously lost you let my look pass

“I think it’s just allergies” – yeah, allergies my ass.

Sure, touch my produce since it won’t scan through the bag

Yes, I’m sure it’s much too much trouble just to read the tag.

Wiping and checking and handling my food

Being a public health risk must put you in a great mood.

I’m more annoyed than ever as I scan my card

Stuffing that fiftieth tissue in your shirt pocket looks awfully hard.

As the snot rags overflow and fall to the ground

You find your pants pocket and there you stuff the next mound.

And now here we are and I’m almost done

Taking that receipt from your snot laden hand certainly isn’t my idea of fun.

As I gain the courage to look up into your runny eyes and chapped nose

I am horrified at what I see – the ultimate offensive pose.

What are you doing now that offends me so?

Have I not been sufficiently disgusted that I may go?

No, now what I see makes the hair on my head stand

Get your phlegm and germ soaked mitts away from my kid’s hand!

Why shake my son’s hand when you’re obviously ill?

The disgust churns my stomach – it’s a valid reason to kill.

As I grab the cart and push out of site

I hope you’re finally happy that I’ll be sanitizing all night.

I may have said before that I’m an information junkie. Especially when it comes to my kid or my pregnancy I read every book, magazine and Internet article I can get into my hands (or onto my screen). At first I wore this mantle proudly - I was doing everything possible to educate myself about being a parent. It’s a profound and noble task but certainly one that I take very seriously.

I have lately, however, noticed a disturbing trend to my activities. I’m also a bit of a hypochondriac and I’m seeing the paranoia and the overwhelming amount of information I ingest begin to collide in an ugly way.  I read an article the other day on coping with emergencies when you have your kids.  It’s driving me crazy.

Here’s the problem specifically: I keep forgetting what to do during the bear attack. In one scenario you act big and fight and in other you play dead - it depends on the type of bear. I just can’t remember which is which. I’ve actually gone back to the article to check the information twice already but it won’t stick in my head.*

I’m very concerned about the possibility of a bear attacking and me choosing the wrong response. That would be devastating.  I do live in a rural area and if I travel for about 45 minutes I get to bear country but having a bear attack isn’t realistic around here. There are only a few up there and they’re pretty scared of people. But what if it happens? What if we’re vacationing somewhere and a bear attacks? It’s a serious concern.

I wonder if less informed parents have to worry about these things? Do they stay up at nights worried because they don’t know what to do at all if a bear attacks?  I wonder also if there is such a thing as too much information? In the grand scheme of the universe it is all this information really helpful or is it simply based on the capitalist impulse to sell magazines and thus detrimental to our overall sanity? Perhaps I should abandon my over-informed and paranoid ways in exchange for a more simple and reactionary state of mind.

I think I’ll try that. Right after I decide if my son’s tummy ache is just gas or may perhaps be symptomatic of an abdominal migraine (oh yes, that’s a real thing).

*In case you’re wondering: If it’s a black bear you should stand your ground, try to look tall (hold up your arms), and yell in a threatening voice - they’ll probably get scared. If it does charge you should fight and try to punch it in the nose because running will cause a chase and a bear runs faster than you. If it’s a brown grizzly you should play dead because they don’t scare easily and will probably charge.

Today is Constitution Day. On September 17, 1787 the United States constitution was signed.  Constitution day was established to give us pause to reflect on the document itself and on what it means to us as Americans.  Today this is more important than ever because now is the time that, despite your politics, it is important to know our responsibilities as citizens of the United States of America.

Here are some great constitution day links for you:

The National Constitution Center has a quick ten facts list about the  constitution that only takes a couple of minutes to read and contains some interesting information.

A free pocket size constitution is available from ConstitutionFacts.com

An online constitution is also available here.

What list would be complete without a quiz? Click here for your constitution quiz and see how you do.

Check out at least one of these today - it’s your civic duty!