Aug 09 2008
Weekend News - Dad’s and Diapers
In my weekend parenting news review I picked up an article that examines the involvement of dads and how the level of interaction between dad and infant might vary depending on the encouragement or discouragement of mom. While this seems pretty obvious (critical, griping mom leads dad to “hands off” approach dad) it reminded me of the involvement scenario in our home when our son was born.
Of course, I watched all those Discovery shows about babies when I was pregnant so I saw first hand the impact of the highly critical mom. I knew that when our son came home I would be encouraging and helpful when it came to my husband’s involvement. What I didn’t realize at the time was that this was actually going to take discipline on my part.
The problem I had was that I was home with the baby all day, I was exhausted, and the thought of him not putting the diaper on right led to a whole chain of imaginary events that would end in twice as much work for me. Seeing that diaper too loose gave me visions of poop leaking on pajamas, and on sheets, and on the couch, and on me. I could see myself changing the diaper, changing the clothes, having to clean the couch stain, and then having to wash myself off and change my own clothes. This would all probably take place after the baby had fallen asleep and would cost me precious nap time minutes with which I might close my own eyes.
Was this a bit dramatic? Probably, well yes. But in those early days of sleepless delirium nothing seemed too far fetched. I tried to bite my tongue but eventually my staring became enough to scare him away from helping - even if I didn’t say anything about what he was doing or how he was doing it. I even knew it was bad while I was doing it but that didn’t help me stop. I needed an intervention.
Luckily, my husband was there to not take any sh. . . uh . . . stuff from me. He told me that if I wanted his help I’d have to leave the room. I was annoyed but I complied and over time, as I began to sleep more and we settled into a routine, I became less paranoid. I’m still surprised though at how difficult it was to release control at that point. My intellectual side was telling me not to be critical but I wasn’t listening to that side much those days so I turned into the hypercritical, insane person I was trying to avoid.
Fortunately for us both, I’m now perfect and logical at all times so this is an issue we don’t have anymore. 
