Unprofessional Parenting

A 26 year old mother of a six week old infant was arrested and charged with child neglect in North Dakota for allegedly breastfeeding her baby while intoxicated.

Police were responding to a domestic disturbance call at the home when they witnessed the “very intoxicated” woman beginning to breastfeed the infant. Since alcohol is transferred to breast milk the officers arrested the woman and took the baby to the hospital for observation. The full report with mug shot can be found here.

This one just makes me shake my head. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Are we to assume she had done this before? Probably. Do we then think nine months of pregnancy went by without her drinking then as well? Who knows - in any case all I can think is what a moron this woman must be.

She is currently resting comfortably in jail and charged with felony child neglect.

My son woke up at 5 o’clock this morning. I heard him making some noise but figured he would go back to sleep. Unfortunately, I had forgotten that my husband was getting up at 5:05AM to go to work. As soon as our son heard him get up it was the end of my “he’ll go back to sleep” fantasy.

He was crying when he got up because his diaper leaked. Then he cried when we changed his clothes. Then he cried because my husband left for work. He also cried because I let the dogs out. Then he cried for reasons I could never figure out.

I took away a toy that he was using to hit the dog on the head and he reached total meltdown mode. I calmly (somehow I was calm - I think I was just too tired to fight it out at that point) put him back in his bed and asked him to “rest” for a few minutes. I don’t think he could hear me over the screaming but it was worth a shot. After a while he calmed down and came back out. We had our talk about hitting the dogs with things (the talk I’m sure we’ll have at least seventy more times before he gets it) and went back to our day.

We went outside to take a walk and he cried because he wanted to stay inside. He cried when we came in because he wanted to stay outside. He cried when I took the dogs out because they licked him. He cried when I put them away . . .

And so it goes until naptime.

Why does every parental decision I make produce guilt? I suppose it is still early (five weeks since son #2 was born) so maybe I can blame it on hormones but seriously, everything I have done today seems to produce profound amount of parental guilt.

Spending time with my older son makes me feel guilty (should I be spending more time with the baby?). Spending time with the baby makes me feel guilty (my older son doesn’t get the mommy time he used to). Trying to get housework done makes me feel guilty (shouldn’t I be spending every second with the kids?). Forget about actual work that pays me - that makes me feel the most guilty of all (am I choosing to earn money by sacrificing quality time with the kids)?

Even as I type I know this is irrational. If I never did laundry we would have to be naked and that would get cold at some point. I do need to work a little to make money (I’m sure my kids enjoy eating). Rationalizing, however, doesn’t seem to ease the guilt.

I’m fairly exhausted today so I’m sure that is making it worse. At least I do get some things accomplished. I’ll start with that appreciation and try to expand until I recover from my guilt-funk. I’m also glad I’m not naked - five weeks postpartum isn’t a pretty time to be naked so I am thrilled I’m getting the laundry done.

Mom Paralysis: The technical term (I have just invented) for the inability to complete any given task.

Symptoms: MP presents in a variety of ways but is most often identifiable by the following: A sink full of dirty dishes, abundance of dirty laundry, an inbox that actually has work but an empty outbox, toys on the floor, a coffee pot on its second round of the day, and most importantly a crying infant (present in every case of MP).

Cure: None - well, maybe in 18 years but nothing immediate.

Treatment: There is an experimental treatment in clinical trials that involves a warning device that transmits a small signal to the neurons of the Husband informing him that take out will be required for dinner.  Scientists are also working to develop additional signals such as: “Look down when you walk through the living room or you will get a toy stuck in your foot”  and “Don’t comment about the pajamas I’m still wearing unless you are trying to commit suicide.”

Outlook: MP can present on any given day and can last from 24 hours to 18 years. While treatments trials have shown some promise, researchers agree that some men appear to be resistant to the neural coding and no alternative signals have been successful. In time technology hopes to address this but for the immediate future it seems that those suffering from MP should stock up on coffee.

It started on Friday. I woke up with a clogged milk duct from the pressure of the nursing bras I’ve been wearing. I know, gross. I had the same thing when nursing son #1 so I knew what it was and went about treating it asap so that it wouldn’t develop an infection. It’s pretty painful and I was quite annoyed by it. I went online to search out new nursing bras and decided I would drive into town Saturday (when my husband could watch the boys) and pick some up.

Friday my husband also had a terrible day at work. On the way home the water pump went out on his truck. Friday night he was putting up some lights in our garage and drilled through his thumbnail with a power drill. He works in construction so A) It’s not like he doesn’t know what he’s doing and B) It’s going to make work tough for him for at least a week or two. There was blood everywhere and it was really nasty.

Saturday I drove all the way to town (about 45 minutes one way) to find the store that I knew had the brand of bra I wanted was out of business. They still have a website though that is current but (I realized later) only mentions in tiny print on one page that they don’t currently have a store but do hope to have online ordering soon. I went to another maternity store only to find it out of business also. The only other store I knew of was all the way across town and since I bought my current bras there I knew they didn’t have what I wanted (yes, I realize I just used the word “current” or “currently” about a hundred times but I’m too tired to do anything about it right now). I turned around and drove home empty handed and really annoyed.

I was terribly exhausted last night but couldn’t sleep. It was torture.

This morning I realized it was daylight savings so I lost an hour right off the bat. Then I plugged in the coffee machine only to find out five minutes later that it stopped working. Yes, it is completely dead. Our only local coffee shop went out of business a few months ago so I’m lost. Stupid bad economy!

Today isn’t over yet so I’m expecting more annoyances before the day is through. At least I can start a new week tomorrow - although I guess I have to do so without my coffee. Sigh.

I have dry skin and my husband has very sensitive skin so our son was doomed from the beginning. During the winter he gets very dry/rough patches on his skin that I have a tough time combating. The worst areas are his elbows and behind his knees where he gets very red itchy patches that cause him serious discomfort.

I tried all the basic remedies - making sure bathwater isn’t too hot, using lotion right after the bath, not “rubbing” him dry with the towels. None of that worked so I started trying various baby lotions. No luck. I was about to give up and call the doctor (I don’t like getting prescriptions unless I absolutely have to) when I figured I’d head back to the store one more time to see what I could find.

I ended up with the Aveeno baby shampoo & body wash and the Aveeno Baby Soothing Relief Moisture Cream. This stuff works wonders! Using both is the key - the lotion didn’t quite keep up by itself but when I used the wash and the lotion together the eczema patches and dry skin cleared up after just two baths!

I am so thrilled to find something that actually does what it says it will do that I posted links to pick this up if anyone is interested. It is not a bad value given the cost of baby products and it really works wonders. It kept us from having to visit the doctor and ask for a prescription cream so in the long run it has saved us money.

It’s four AM and I’m very uncomfortable. This was the set up for my labor four weeks ago. I had a c-section scheduled and fully expected to avoid labor this time around (that’s not why I scheduled the c-section, just a bonus).  Unfortunately, I was wrong. Even more unfortunately, I wasn’t even sure if I was really in labor this time.

When I was pregnant with son #1 I poured over birth stories and Discovery channel birth specials because I was slightly paranoid that I wouldn’t know the difference between false labor and real labor. When I did finally go into labor it was obvious and the contractions were easy to time so I had a good idea of when to head to the hospital.

This time I wasn’t so sure. On Wednesday afternoon I came home with a slight but constant pain in my belly. It continued all afternoon and night until I was finally able to get to sleep. It never occurred to me that I was in labor because it didn’t come and go like contractions. I tossed and turned all night and at 4AM I wasn’t able to go back to sleep.

I got up and wandered around the house wondering what was going on. My husband couldn’t believe it “How can you not know if you are in labor?????” It just hurt constantly - no contractions. Yes, I had already had one baby but this time I felt ridiculous because I had no idea what was happening.

When I got to the hospital (6:30AM) they asked how far apart the contractions were. Feeling dumber than ever I had to explain that I couldn’t actually feel contractions - just a constant sharp pain that seemed to be getting worse. I don’t know how many times they asked if this was my first baby and I had to say no.

Obviously, I was in labor and they did the c-section within a few hours but it just goes to show how incredibly different each experience can be.  I’ll have another post on the annoying nurse who tried to prepare me for going home (before my doctor showed up and said “no way” would he send me home in my condition) but for now know that you just never know!

Today is officially a do-over day from yesterday. I was exhausted and my two year was also exhausted so we were not getting along yesterday (to say the least). We had the following conversation while I was making lunch:
Him: “Can I have my soup?”

Me: “Sure, you can have some as soon as I’m done making it.”

Him: “Okay.”

Thirty seconds later: Him “Can I have my soup?”

Me: “Yes, I said you could have some when it’s done. It’s not done yet. I’ll bring you some soon.”

Repeat above about five times before I lose my mind and tell him if he doesn’t stop asking he’ll go straight to a nap. One minute later: [Say with extremely whiny voice] “Mommy, can I have my soup please?”

At this point the soup is ready so I give him some and try not to allow my head to explode. “Mommy, can I have pizza?”

After an entire day of this he finally went to bed and told me, “Mommy, I’m a good boy but sometimes I’m noxious.” I laughed. “Yes, sometimes you are obnoxious but tomorrow we’ll have a do-over day. You be good all day and I’ll try not to yell at all.”

I try not to make promises I can’t keep but so far I’ve been awake for two hours and haven’t yelled yet. The baby let me sleep for four solid hours last night so I feel like a million bucks so far. I’ll keep the coffee pot going and we’ll see who cracks first - Mr. Obnoxious or the Crazy Mom.

I would love to know who is in charge of designing some of the clothes that are sold for my infant. Do these people have kids? How about a little market research before mass producing a line of clothing that is designed to make my life more difficult?

One of my major complaints is an item I received as a gift for my son. It is really cute but has a fatal flaw. It is designed as a pair of PJs but I discovered recently that it doesn’t button all the way down the front like a normal pair of baby pajamas. Instead there are three decorative buttons on top and snaps by the legs for diaper changes.

The problem with this is that when my son inevitably poops/pees on these pajamas I have to pull them up over his head in order to get them off. There is something about dragging the poop covered pjs up over his head that seems so wrong.  To make matters more annoying the pjs have a collar. Very cute but totally in the way every time I have to nurse him.

Just what I needed to go with my infant - more pointless complication in my life! How about some product testing? I would be happy to do it for free and report findings before more moms are plagued by ridiculous “wardrobe malfunctions.”

Son #2 is three weeks old this week and although I was hoping to hold off a little longer it looks like I’m headed back to work. Luckily I don’t have to leave my house but it was so nice to spend the days muddling around taking care of my boys and actually getting some housework done.

I picked up a couple of Internet college courses to teach and I’ve been amazed so far at the level of participation. The students are so active that it is actually creating more work for me. Of all the complaints I can have though the “my students are participating” is probably the most promising so I won’t dwell on it too much.

Hopefully after the next few days I’ll get everything nailed down and slightly more organized so I can get back to regular posting.